10-28-2019, 09:03 PM
Dear all,
Blessings to all. I am a Catholic that has met many Jewish people over the years and have Jewish friends in the US, in Latin America and in Israel. I am honored to be considered a friend of people of the Jewish faith.
My question is about 'lending money and paying it back' in the Jewish faith, and I apologize if this has been posted elsewhere and I'd be happy to look and the best link or source. And I most emphatically apologize for any unintentional potentially offensive text below.
----> My 4 questions are:
1) what does the Jewish faith mention about lending money, about the responsibility of paying it back?
2) if it is paid it back not in money but in favors, in food, in material things, is it considered 'paid back'?
3) the value of this statement: it is not paid back because the money is for 'the greater good' and the person who is not paid back has instead accumulated 'many blessings for the afterlife'
4) HOW FAR does sacrifice go?
I want to be as clear and factual as possible, so here goes my story:
My wife and I (no children) know a Jewish doctor, a psychiatrist, for about 20 years now, a highly regarded professional who devotes himself to helping others, that has saved many lives, addictions, attempted suicides, psychiatric patients, etc. He says it is his mission to help everybody at all times, even when he himself can't afford a meal. On many occasions he has waited for payment of his services from VERY wealthy clients, who in the end never pay him. He complains that this is the problem with rich people; however he moves in this circle, as he has saved some important people and word gets around.
Me and my wife started lending him money more than 15 years ago, first sporadically, then on a consistent basis. He has also gotten very sick at times and we have covered his health bills, hospitals included. He is not a young man.
He invites us to dinner once a week religiously since about 2004 and cooks several plates and entrees, and serves a lot of wine. During these dinners he gives lengthy expositions about the Jewish faith, what it means to be a righteous person, how many of his rich acquaintances are persons of the highest morality and beacons of society. He also says many of his clients from the Community are in the commercial sector and have 'no liquid funds' and pay him 'in kind', so me and my wife have dined expensive food and wine once a week, and have collected a few wine bottles, a few brand shoes, and items of clothing over the years.
He is awaiting to receive a large sum from his pension, from which he has stated that everything and everybody will be finally paid. The issue is, this process has taken more than 5-6 years now, because a letter is always missing, an apostille is missing, a certificate was the wrong one, a copy of his birth certificate is needed again, etc etc. Many steps and near misses, and this 'almost there' feeling that goes on and on and is starting to raise doubts in me. But not in my wife.
He has also gotten sick from time to time, and mentions that his other Jewish friends/acquaintances are from high circles of society and that it does not look good to ask them for money; he maintains that his image in the Community is what gets him patients. He has been offered executive positions more than once in important companies, but he claims that this would limit his ability to serve and cure the needy people, the poor, and has therefore refused these paying jobs.
So, between waiting for the next document/thing missing for him to receive his pension, attending to his medical bills when he gets sick again, his utility bills, etc., over the years me and my wife have incurred in deep serious debt. More than half of my salary goes to pay loans I have taken out in my name that were supposed to be paid back quickly. I have no savings anymore and am living paycheck to paycheck. My wife just last week took out another loan God knows how and sent him again a couple of thousand dollars. His family has cut him off since many years ago; I used to think they are pure evil but now I'm not so sure.
When my wife or me get sick, he is the first to call to give us a list of instructions and medications (is this also pay back?), some medicines not cheap at all, and he reiterates how much he loves us and that his money is just around the corner.
I am at the end of my mental, emotional, spiritual and financial line. I fantasize about having a normal life, buying a shirt, going to the movies without feeling guilty and counting pennies, with savings in the bank for when I retire in the next 20-25 years, if I even live that far, and I have nightmares about never being paid back and literally living on the streets or in a spare bedroom with my parents at 60 years of age.
My wife... only needs to hear him sob over the phone to lose any sense of financial responsibility. She argues with me on and on about our duty to 'be as Jesus', to 'work for the blessings in the afterlife', and for me to 'develop empathy'. I have responded many times to her, and not in a calm voice, that we are in this situation because I HAVE expressed a deep empathy, beyond any logic, for over 15 years and --hundreds of thousands of dollars-- ago, that I am completely drained and only thinking about our survival at this stage, and that her point ceases to have value if we can't even afford to live a normal decent frugal life. For me, saving a life through lending money to one person is not a noble act if it destroys another person's life. Unless all my aspirations were an illusion and I'm supposed to be a doormat in this life.
She replies that the doctor cannot control his desire to cure people even if they can't pay him, that he saves many many lives, that my 'sacrifice' helps save all these many lives too and I should be proud. That we should keep ALL of this to ourselves, not share with any friends or any family because they would never understand. And that I need to meditate and strengthen MY spirituality.
This past Yom Kippur I imagined he would call us to say hi, to express some understanding of our situation, some sorrow, to say he was sorry, something. An acknowledgement of what I think Yom Kippur means, but I could be wrong. But he just told my wife in a 10-second phone call that he was very busy with the Community during this important celebration and to not call him.
I am seriously considering a divorce, and disconnecting myself from her and from the doctor for the rest of my life, but... what if I get paid back? Am I accumulating blessings for the afterlife? Am I just 'a victim of fear of the unknown, which is the Devil's work, the Devil instills fear in us to destroy us'?
I have some good days where I think maybe this is all in my head, that I'm just being paranoid and that the promises received over the years will eventually materialize. I also have some very dark days. The past year I spent some time actually thinking (JUST thinking, fantasizing, I promise) about how things would play out if I just killed myself and let everybody else go to hell.
I used to think that I was doing God's work, that my inner light would get me through, my innate nobility, my desire to be a force of good. Now I have turned into a bitter person, full of resentment and venom. I see beggars on the street and I pass them quickly, thinking of the doctor. I see so much pain on TV and the news and I just flip the channel. Every time I receive a compliment 'you're such a great guy, so humble, so moral' I think to myself no, I'm not a noble person, I'm AN IDIOT who has fu***d up his life.
I thank you for your patience with this very long letter.
A.M.
Blessings to all. I am a Catholic that has met many Jewish people over the years and have Jewish friends in the US, in Latin America and in Israel. I am honored to be considered a friend of people of the Jewish faith.
My question is about 'lending money and paying it back' in the Jewish faith, and I apologize if this has been posted elsewhere and I'd be happy to look and the best link or source. And I most emphatically apologize for any unintentional potentially offensive text below.
----> My 4 questions are:
1) what does the Jewish faith mention about lending money, about the responsibility of paying it back?
2) if it is paid it back not in money but in favors, in food, in material things, is it considered 'paid back'?
3) the value of this statement: it is not paid back because the money is for 'the greater good' and the person who is not paid back has instead accumulated 'many blessings for the afterlife'
4) HOW FAR does sacrifice go?
I want to be as clear and factual as possible, so here goes my story:
My wife and I (no children) know a Jewish doctor, a psychiatrist, for about 20 years now, a highly regarded professional who devotes himself to helping others, that has saved many lives, addictions, attempted suicides, psychiatric patients, etc. He says it is his mission to help everybody at all times, even when he himself can't afford a meal. On many occasions he has waited for payment of his services from VERY wealthy clients, who in the end never pay him. He complains that this is the problem with rich people; however he moves in this circle, as he has saved some important people and word gets around.
Me and my wife started lending him money more than 15 years ago, first sporadically, then on a consistent basis. He has also gotten very sick at times and we have covered his health bills, hospitals included. He is not a young man.
He invites us to dinner once a week religiously since about 2004 and cooks several plates and entrees, and serves a lot of wine. During these dinners he gives lengthy expositions about the Jewish faith, what it means to be a righteous person, how many of his rich acquaintances are persons of the highest morality and beacons of society. He also says many of his clients from the Community are in the commercial sector and have 'no liquid funds' and pay him 'in kind', so me and my wife have dined expensive food and wine once a week, and have collected a few wine bottles, a few brand shoes, and items of clothing over the years.
He is awaiting to receive a large sum from his pension, from which he has stated that everything and everybody will be finally paid. The issue is, this process has taken more than 5-6 years now, because a letter is always missing, an apostille is missing, a certificate was the wrong one, a copy of his birth certificate is needed again, etc etc. Many steps and near misses, and this 'almost there' feeling that goes on and on and is starting to raise doubts in me. But not in my wife.
He has also gotten sick from time to time, and mentions that his other Jewish friends/acquaintances are from high circles of society and that it does not look good to ask them for money; he maintains that his image in the Community is what gets him patients. He has been offered executive positions more than once in important companies, but he claims that this would limit his ability to serve and cure the needy people, the poor, and has therefore refused these paying jobs.
So, between waiting for the next document/thing missing for him to receive his pension, attending to his medical bills when he gets sick again, his utility bills, etc., over the years me and my wife have incurred in deep serious debt. More than half of my salary goes to pay loans I have taken out in my name that were supposed to be paid back quickly. I have no savings anymore and am living paycheck to paycheck. My wife just last week took out another loan God knows how and sent him again a couple of thousand dollars. His family has cut him off since many years ago; I used to think they are pure evil but now I'm not so sure.
When my wife or me get sick, he is the first to call to give us a list of instructions and medications (is this also pay back?), some medicines not cheap at all, and he reiterates how much he loves us and that his money is just around the corner.
I am at the end of my mental, emotional, spiritual and financial line. I fantasize about having a normal life, buying a shirt, going to the movies without feeling guilty and counting pennies, with savings in the bank for when I retire in the next 20-25 years, if I even live that far, and I have nightmares about never being paid back and literally living on the streets or in a spare bedroom with my parents at 60 years of age.
My wife... only needs to hear him sob over the phone to lose any sense of financial responsibility. She argues with me on and on about our duty to 'be as Jesus', to 'work for the blessings in the afterlife', and for me to 'develop empathy'. I have responded many times to her, and not in a calm voice, that we are in this situation because I HAVE expressed a deep empathy, beyond any logic, for over 15 years and --hundreds of thousands of dollars-- ago, that I am completely drained and only thinking about our survival at this stage, and that her point ceases to have value if we can't even afford to live a normal decent frugal life. For me, saving a life through lending money to one person is not a noble act if it destroys another person's life. Unless all my aspirations were an illusion and I'm supposed to be a doormat in this life.
She replies that the doctor cannot control his desire to cure people even if they can't pay him, that he saves many many lives, that my 'sacrifice' helps save all these many lives too and I should be proud. That we should keep ALL of this to ourselves, not share with any friends or any family because they would never understand. And that I need to meditate and strengthen MY spirituality.
This past Yom Kippur I imagined he would call us to say hi, to express some understanding of our situation, some sorrow, to say he was sorry, something. An acknowledgement of what I think Yom Kippur means, but I could be wrong. But he just told my wife in a 10-second phone call that he was very busy with the Community during this important celebration and to not call him.
I am seriously considering a divorce, and disconnecting myself from her and from the doctor for the rest of my life, but... what if I get paid back? Am I accumulating blessings for the afterlife? Am I just 'a victim of fear of the unknown, which is the Devil's work, the Devil instills fear in us to destroy us'?
I have some good days where I think maybe this is all in my head, that I'm just being paranoid and that the promises received over the years will eventually materialize. I also have some very dark days. The past year I spent some time actually thinking (JUST thinking, fantasizing, I promise) about how things would play out if I just killed myself and let everybody else go to hell.
I used to think that I was doing God's work, that my inner light would get me through, my innate nobility, my desire to be a force of good. Now I have turned into a bitter person, full of resentment and venom. I see beggars on the street and I pass them quickly, thinking of the doctor. I see so much pain on TV and the news and I just flip the channel. Every time I receive a compliment 'you're such a great guy, so humble, so moral' I think to myself no, I'm not a noble person, I'm AN IDIOT who has fu***d up his life.
I thank you for your patience with this very long letter.
A.M.