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Dealing with a wicked son....
Recently I wrote to ASK a Rabbi the following question and I wish to share the reply 19 April 2021

Question:How does a devout Jewish Couple deal with a eternal rebellious child as an example the child in question from birth has been eternally rebellious aginst everything Jewish...even to the extent of marrying a non Jewish spouse and moving to a country where Jews are not generally welcome..the parents see from News reports of Jewish mistreatment; the non jewish spouse is sensible and flees with the children to the jewish grandparents-however the rebellious child refuses to go confident that as he/she has chossen cultural assimilation he/she will not be harmed. Now this refers to a fictional senerico but the question is What could the parents have done to their child to make he/she understand that only by taking the Iron Yoke of the Torah and not rebelling against the Word of the L-d?

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With blessings from Jerusalem,
Rabbi Yoni Miller
Note sent the same query to
ID 5641485

I received a reply 06/09/2022
Thank you for your letter; please forgive the long delay in responding to you.

There's no magic answer as to how to ensure that chlldren will grow into adults that the parents envisioned. We are not meant to create a human being who is identical to ourselves. Upon becoming a parent, one assumes the obligation to protect and nurture and nourish the child. We're responsible to raise an infant to independent adulthood. Every parent's imperative is to find the most healthful diet to nurture their child. The most healthful diet in food, in values and moral behaviours. And then, at some point, a parent has to recognize that she/he has done all they can to raise this adult who is a completely autnomous being, and now free to make her/his own decisions. Most of all, a child has to be raised with the secure knowledge t hat the parent's love and caring is unconditional. A child has to know that she/he does not need to 'earn' the parents' love by meeting the parents' approval. That's what unconditonal love means; love that's about the child,not about the parent.

Needless to say, there's much much more to be said on the subject...but tell me what you're thinking and then we can discuss this further.

Bronya Shaffer

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