How much free will do we truly have?

[Searcher]

I know that Judaism is a bit big with a person, whether Jew or gentile, having free will to make their own decisions and whether if they decide to follow the scriptures and rules in the Torah. 

By this extension, how much free will do we truly have in our lives that makes up on whether if we are choosing to accept or reject different beliefs and rules in our lives?

This has sort of weighed on me for a few reasons. I’m a gentile thus live as such, but sometimes I wonder on whether if it would’ve been better had I taken more time to look into Judaism and made the effort to join in. But I feel like it wasn’t destined, especially now that I can’t just get up and leave the current life I have since if I were to decide to convert then that would mean to leave my family behind. But what if I had made the effort and joined? When looking at some family tree information, it is possible that there could have been some Jewish ancestors (but not where it held up on the maternal line, which means that I wouldn’t be Jewish even if it’s been verified that these ancestors were Jews.) Would have converting really been the choice I made, or something more predetermined that has me compelled to learn more about Judaism in the first place? Sort of like epigenetics but more in the sense that information was passed through some generations. 

I guess by that extension, if a person is called to Judaism then was it truly their choice? Especially if they feel called on doing so?

[searchinmyroots]

Hello Searcher and great question!

I just got back from vacation so let me catch up a little and then I'll be able to provide a response from my point of view.

Of course others are always welcome to chime in as well!

[searchinmyroots]

Searcher,

To follow G-d's ways you don't have to be Jewish. Yes, there is a different bond the Jewish people have with G-d as He says so in the Hebrew bible. But that is for us to do His will, to bring Godliness to the world as He dictates to us.

The rest of the world has the same opportunity, but with less instructions on how to do so. So you can most certainly live a godly life without being Jewish. Yes, we have free will and we are told over and over again to choose the good. But it is our decision to do so. No one is perfect but we can all strive to do better despite our failures.

If you feel you are being called to Judaism, you'll have to walk the journey that goes with it, before, during and after. It's not always easy and sometimes it can even be confusing. But those who are truly called, whose ancestors may have stood at Sinai will withstand the storm and see the rainbow on the other side.

There are many Youtubers who share their journey and life experiences. And there are also many who try and don't feel conversion is right for them.

Either way it's what you choose to do with your life that counts.

I'm not sure if I addressed your concerns or just went off on a tangent.

Stay the course where your heart takes you.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and please continue to be a searcher!