06-21-2019, 04:03 PM
I am a bit late, but I wanted to chime in on this thread for a while now. Since I've lived most of my life without many rituals to speak of, now that I started implementing some rituals into my life, I am thinking about the effects of those a lot.
When I seriously started considering converting to Judaism, I tried out different approaches towards Shabbat. First, I went all in. I wanted to try and see what it would entail to observe Shabbat in the strict sense (at least, to my understanding, what it was, I am still learning and do not claim to know everything). So I made sure to go off the grid, to have my work done in advance, not use devices and so on. This was way too much for the beginning. I was not prepared to do this, had some health issues that were demanding, too, and I perceived it as a burden, so, for the time being at that point, I gave up on it (after questioning myself, of course, because how could I convert if I cannot even keep Shabbat). It felt forced and too early and it also cut me off from my family, who I can only contact via phone.
Fast forward a few months and I found myself in a situation where I had subsequently made small changes in my life that added up to me now having an established Shabbat routine that I am looking forward to very much each week. I don't know what made my perception change, but after I gave up on that idea of having to adhere 100% to the most strict definition of Shabbat observance or to do nothing, I felt a bit relieved and could approach the topic from a more relaxed manner. For a while, I did nothing. Then I just grew an urging need of doing something to greet Shabbat. And so I started with lighting the candles, saying the prayer and going in small steps from there towards an extend that I identify with.
My ritual / routine is now cleaning my flat and going grocery shopping on Friday afternoon, so I really don't have to do any work on Shabbat, to sit down with the candles Friday evening, say the prayer, maybe some juice with that and usually I eat afterwards. I absolutely love it and it brings me so much joy, it is like closing you eyes on a weekday, and opening them again on a day that is yours for enjoyment. It also makes me reflect more on the positive things, it brings a happy calmness, centeredness.
I would like to add that I think it helped me become more structured and disciplined, too, even if the last sentence sounds like I'm just in for the fun. I have to structure my week in a way that enables me to prepare on Friday and even if that only takes two hours, sometimes I really do not feel like it, but I simply do it anyway because I enjoy the feeling of starting Shabbat in a clean flat so much. Before, I would have usually shrugged, would not have done the cleaning, procrastinated shopping until Saturday evening and so on. It is so much easier to have those anchors in your life - it's Friday, so you clean! Simple and easy. Relieves you from the burden of having to make decisions for each and every single thing - do I reserve Tuesday for cleaning? Or Thursday? This drains your ressources. I really do think that such rituals (in the same way a fixed schedule does) enhance mental wellbeing a lot, if you experience the positive effects.
Same with other things, such as visiting sick people to help them as a Mitzvah. Without being religiously obligated to do so, one might say "yeah, that might be a good idea, but right now....my time, I'm not sure, would it be intrusive, etc., etc." and end up not doing it. If you view it from a religious perspective, you might get the needed initial energy to just go on and do it, get out of that comfort zone and have a positive outcome on both the side of the sick person and on your own. I really love this and since I have started trying to do such things, I have seen only positive effects and felt happy to have pushed myself, with the help of Telushkins reflections of jewish ethics.
Ok, a Mitzvah is not quite the same as lighting the candles on Shabbat, but I think the pattern is the same. Guidelines for everything, that are in place for a very good reason since sometimes the gut reaction is not what makes you and others happy in the long run.
So, in a sense, the rituals I established first pushed me way out of my comfort zone, then they actually widened it and they made my life happier.
When I seriously started considering converting to Judaism, I tried out different approaches towards Shabbat. First, I went all in. I wanted to try and see what it would entail to observe Shabbat in the strict sense (at least, to my understanding, what it was, I am still learning and do not claim to know everything). So I made sure to go off the grid, to have my work done in advance, not use devices and so on. This was way too much for the beginning. I was not prepared to do this, had some health issues that were demanding, too, and I perceived it as a burden, so, for the time being at that point, I gave up on it (after questioning myself, of course, because how could I convert if I cannot even keep Shabbat). It felt forced and too early and it also cut me off from my family, who I can only contact via phone.
Fast forward a few months and I found myself in a situation where I had subsequently made small changes in my life that added up to me now having an established Shabbat routine that I am looking forward to very much each week. I don't know what made my perception change, but after I gave up on that idea of having to adhere 100% to the most strict definition of Shabbat observance or to do nothing, I felt a bit relieved and could approach the topic from a more relaxed manner. For a while, I did nothing. Then I just grew an urging need of doing something to greet Shabbat. And so I started with lighting the candles, saying the prayer and going in small steps from there towards an extend that I identify with.
My ritual / routine is now cleaning my flat and going grocery shopping on Friday afternoon, so I really don't have to do any work on Shabbat, to sit down with the candles Friday evening, say the prayer, maybe some juice with that and usually I eat afterwards. I absolutely love it and it brings me so much joy, it is like closing you eyes on a weekday, and opening them again on a day that is yours for enjoyment. It also makes me reflect more on the positive things, it brings a happy calmness, centeredness.
I would like to add that I think it helped me become more structured and disciplined, too, even if the last sentence sounds like I'm just in for the fun. I have to structure my week in a way that enables me to prepare on Friday and even if that only takes two hours, sometimes I really do not feel like it, but I simply do it anyway because I enjoy the feeling of starting Shabbat in a clean flat so much. Before, I would have usually shrugged, would not have done the cleaning, procrastinated shopping until Saturday evening and so on. It is so much easier to have those anchors in your life - it's Friday, so you clean! Simple and easy. Relieves you from the burden of having to make decisions for each and every single thing - do I reserve Tuesday for cleaning? Or Thursday? This drains your ressources. I really do think that such rituals (in the same way a fixed schedule does) enhance mental wellbeing a lot, if you experience the positive effects.
Same with other things, such as visiting sick people to help them as a Mitzvah. Without being religiously obligated to do so, one might say "yeah, that might be a good idea, but right now....my time, I'm not sure, would it be intrusive, etc., etc." and end up not doing it. If you view it from a religious perspective, you might get the needed initial energy to just go on and do it, get out of that comfort zone and have a positive outcome on both the side of the sick person and on your own. I really love this and since I have started trying to do such things, I have seen only positive effects and felt happy to have pushed myself, with the help of Telushkins reflections of jewish ethics.
Ok, a Mitzvah is not quite the same as lighting the candles on Shabbat, but I think the pattern is the same. Guidelines for everything, that are in place for a very good reason since sometimes the gut reaction is not what makes you and others happy in the long run.So, in a sense, the rituals I established first pushed me way out of my comfort zone, then they actually widened it and they made my life happier.