04-20-2020, 08:03 AM
Hi Beck and welcome to the forum! It seems like there are two underlying problems - your father being so vocal about his atheism on one hand and your personal belief being affected by his actions on the other. Have you tried addressing your discomfort about the way he interacts with people of (other) faiths?
Are you generally able to discuss personal matters with him?
The others already wrote some great suggestions.
I just wanted to add that even though your synagogues are closed locally, that doesn't mean the community is not available at all. You might find some contact details on their website and could get in touch with your local Rabbi or a youth-group which might help you in your wish to engage.
I know how hurtful being mocked for your beliefs can feel at times. But I noticed that while it feels like being rejected on a personal level due to being ridiculed for something that is so deeply important, even a part of you, the other part will not see it the same way. For them it can be as impersonal as mocking the color of your sneakers. This does not make it ok and it is still necessary to find more healthy ways of discussing matters (or agreeing simply not to), but it can help in feeling less rejected on a personal level.
For example, whenever I tell about having had a nice experience that relates to Judaism, my aunt is guaranteed to bring up how "she is capable of thinking for herself", implying I joined the ranks of those who can't. It is hurtful not because she insults my mental capacity, but because she reacts with that statement whenever I just want to share something that brings me joy. My resolution was to simply not share this part of me with her anymore. It is a shame, because we want to share the things we experience with those we love, but ultimately this is our journey and if they can't keep it civil and keep on spoiling the experience, we will travel without them.
Are you generally able to discuss personal matters with him?
The others already wrote some great suggestions.
I just wanted to add that even though your synagogues are closed locally, that doesn't mean the community is not available at all. You might find some contact details on their website and could get in touch with your local Rabbi or a youth-group which might help you in your wish to engage.
I know how hurtful being mocked for your beliefs can feel at times. But I noticed that while it feels like being rejected on a personal level due to being ridiculed for something that is so deeply important, even a part of you, the other part will not see it the same way. For them it can be as impersonal as mocking the color of your sneakers. This does not make it ok and it is still necessary to find more healthy ways of discussing matters (or agreeing simply not to), but it can help in feeling less rejected on a personal level.
For example, whenever I tell about having had a nice experience that relates to Judaism, my aunt is guaranteed to bring up how "she is capable of thinking for herself", implying I joined the ranks of those who can't. It is hurtful not because she insults my mental capacity, but because she reacts with that statement whenever I just want to share something that brings me joy. My resolution was to simply not share this part of me with her anymore. It is a shame, because we want to share the things we experience with those we love, but ultimately this is our journey and if they can't keep it civil and keep on spoiling the experience, we will travel without them.