12-01-2020, 04:44 AM
Hello everyone! I joined this forum to discuss a crisis I have found myself in and am seeking advice from others. I am struggling with imposter syndrome and feeling as if I am not actually Jewish and need to formally convert. But, I will share my story here for advice.
When I was a young girl (under 10) my Grandmother discovered our family lineage has Jewish roots, however, she was Christain. This made her opt into a Messianic "temple" and took me every Friday for "Shabbat". I put quotations because I know as an adult that Messianic practices are not purely Jewish and actually cause harm to the community...Here is my issue that stems from this information. As an adult, I identify myself as an Agnostic Jewish Woman (currently struggling with the essence of G-d and the complexity of life, as most young adults do). I do this because as a girl I did not like the "temple" I was taken to because it was not Jewish in my eyes. I did my own research through high school and found myself aligned in the community.
Recently, I have found myself feeling guilty for being introduced to Judaism through an inherently Christain practice, and feel as if I myself am an issue in the community. The practice is closed unless born into it or converted, but where does that leave me? Culturally I did not experience an ounce of Jewish culture until around 10, and even that was not truly the culture. My introduction to Judaism was through a problematic practice...does that essentially dispute how I have identified for over a third of my life now?
When I was a young girl (under 10) my Grandmother discovered our family lineage has Jewish roots, however, she was Christain. This made her opt into a Messianic "temple" and took me every Friday for "Shabbat". I put quotations because I know as an adult that Messianic practices are not purely Jewish and actually cause harm to the community...Here is my issue that stems from this information. As an adult, I identify myself as an Agnostic Jewish Woman (currently struggling with the essence of G-d and the complexity of life, as most young adults do). I do this because as a girl I did not like the "temple" I was taken to because it was not Jewish in my eyes. I did my own research through high school and found myself aligned in the community.
Recently, I have found myself feeling guilty for being introduced to Judaism through an inherently Christain practice, and feel as if I myself am an issue in the community. The practice is closed unless born into it or converted, but where does that leave me? Culturally I did not experience an ounce of Jewish culture until around 10, and even that was not truly the culture. My introduction to Judaism was through a problematic practice...does that essentially dispute how I have identified for over a third of my life now?