02-06-2022, 12:07 AM
Hello, all!
Could you all do me the favor of vetting the following description in a scene of one of my screenplays?
The scene takes place at sundown on Friday, and Josh and David, Josh's saba, are at home. Josh is 16.
"Josh wears his yarmulke and his best suit. As he sings the 'Shalom Aleichem' with David, Josh stares into the two flickering flames representing peace and unity as David chants the Shabbat prayer over their feast."
Did I get any of that correct? I suspect I didn't. As the saying goes in most of the arts, "The devil's in the details."
Also, Josh and David didn't go to temple; rather, Josh came home straight from school and David came home straight from work. Is this detail realistic or would they go to temple, period?
Thanks again, all, for all your feedback on the above. I look forward to receiving it.
Talk soon, Kerry
Could you all do me the favor of vetting the following description in a scene of one of my screenplays?
The scene takes place at sundown on Friday, and Josh and David, Josh's saba, are at home. Josh is 16.
"Josh wears his yarmulke and his best suit. As he sings the 'Shalom Aleichem' with David, Josh stares into the two flickering flames representing peace and unity as David chants the Shabbat prayer over their feast."
Did I get any of that correct? I suspect I didn't. As the saying goes in most of the arts, "The devil's in the details."
Also, Josh and David didn't go to temple; rather, Josh came home straight from school and David came home straight from work. Is this detail realistic or would they go to temple, period?
Thanks again, all, for all your feedback on the above. I look forward to receiving it.
Talk soon, Kerry